I was Crazy but I'm alright Now by Realigion

My grandmother use to always say "I was crazy but I'm I'm alright now" I didn't quite understand it as a child but this year 2013 put it into perspective. In the beginning of the year things were going smoothly but by mid point change was inevitable. Sadly I attended four funerals within two months of each other. Two of which broke me down to the lowest term. The lost of my neighbor and friend Mr. Richard Williams hurt my heart to the very core. He was more than a friend, he and his family treated me and my children like we were apart of theirs. Have you ever met people who were just genuine with no motive or ill intention. People who encouraged you despite what they were going though. God's people is what I called them. Mr. Richard was here one day telling me everything was going to be alright and the next day he was gone, I couldn't believe it. I felt like God had given me more than a friend but more so a father figure and without warning he was gone. When I thought back from day one of meeting him and remembering his good deeds I realized I had entertained  "An Angel". Within two days of burying him I was called with the news that my sixteen year old cousin Benjamin had died of cancer. He was a very unique child, gifted and talented. He had already suffered so much in his young life therefore it was hard to fathom his life would end the way it did. I was bitter and anger. My thoughts were why do the good die young, amongst many other thoughts that I'll keep to myself.  My mind begin to take its own journey. Darkness is all I could see. I sank deep into a depression. No eating and very little sleep.  I couldn't get pass death. I would lay in my bed for hours at a time with the covers over my head. I felt abandoned and lost. The familiar spirit of losing loved ones had returned. Then one day God showed up. He reminded me that he will never leave me nor forsake me. Things started to look brighter. I picked myself back up and looked to the Hills from which cometh my help. Everything my grandmother use to talk about in reference to trusting God made me stronger and stronger. Something about those verses from the bible lifted me. Those personal moments with God grew me. As a matter of fact I'm still growing but I'm better today than I was yesterday. I was crazy but I'm alright now. Today my faith in God is at an all time high, I trust him whole heartedly because I know where my help and strength come from. Some days I fall short of the glory but like I said I'm still growing. The enemy thought he had my mind but to God be the Glory. I thank him for his grace and mercy. 

Thoughts of a Deep Thinker by Realigion

Lately I've been asking myself if I'm truly capable of allowing myself to open up,  love and to be loved. I've unknowingly built a wall that block's out any and everyone from getting too close to me. Parts of me have grown cold in a sense.The thought of trusting outside my circle have become obsolete.  I hold on stronger to the loved ones whom have already prove to be loyal, genuine and thorough. In this life, you will meet  tons of people who want to be apart of your world but everyone isn't built to handle someone of your caliber. Over the past few months, I decided to pay full attention to myself and what type of person I am. We go years, months and sundays  trying to understand others when we don't even truly know ourselves. What I've discovered about me is: I am very loving and caring. I am loner. I am forgiving and loyal yet if I sense characteristics of dishoner, evilness, jealously and fraudulence; I will cut a person off without  warning without ever having intentions off looking back. I don't think that's good but I'm a work in progress. I have become very disciplined and reserved. My faith in God is at all an time high, he is the one person I can trust to keep my head above water, to keep me grounded and make me feel whole.  I have trained my mind to think at a higher level, to see the good in every situation yet my heart has a mind of its own "Handle with Care" is what is speaks because once abused, stepped on or broken; trying to fix won't be an option. ~Realigion~