Hood Barbie
When I was a little girl I loved my barbie doll. I even admired her in a sense. She had the perfect life. A beautiful dream house, a corvette, a career as fashion designer and a handsome husband named Ken. I grew up believing my life would end up just like hers. Yeah fuckin right!! What Mattel doesn't tell you on the back of the box is, it doesn't happen like that for us good girls gone bad. What happen to the Hood Barbie. Those who aren't called Barbie but are referred to as "B". She doesn't have a career yet, but if she continues to keep her mind focused on college so she can finish she will have one sooner or later. She doesn't have a 9 to 5 but wakes up every morning on a mission to feed her children by any means necessary. She doesn't even have a dream house but is looking for a hook up on getting her credit fixed so she can try an buy a home once she graduates and starts working.. She doesn't drive a corvette but does drive exotic rental cars when her Chrysler is giving her problems. And she definitely doesn't have a husband named Ken but does have a sexy baby daddy named Kendrick who is to busy being a fuck boy to settle down and make their relationship work. Yeah Mattel the company who made Barbie has some real live explaining to do for the other side of the tracks!
I'll never forget my Grandmother's words. "When I shut these eyes, ya'll gone miss me. I heard that throughout my childhood yet I never fully understood the concept. I think I kind of just blew if off never wanting to even imagine her not being around. My grandmother was sort of like my hero. She did everything she could to protect me from pain. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally; she use to tell me "I wanna know if your big toe hurt's you lol. I remember when my mother died. I was only twelve at the time. I had just gotten off the school bus and could see people everywhere standing near my grandmother's house. I thought maybe there's was another family gathering going on. As I walked thru the crowd trying to get inside the house, I was constantly being patted on the back yet I was naive to what was going on. I had no clue; that is, until I walked into my grandmother's room and looked into her eyes. I saw hurt and pain and suddenly wasn't so sure about all the people just hanging around for the typical meet. My grandmother put both hands on my shoulder and said "Remember when I told you if your momma left, she would be with God", I shook my head yes. She continued "Your momma left today". The feeling was surreal. I immediately knew exactly what my grandma meant by "left", I knew it wasn't something temporary like the times she'd been in and out of the hospital, but left as in gone, no coming back. A big chunk of me died that day. I knew my life would never be the same. In the same sense looking into my grandmother's eyes, I was assured that I lost her but I hadn't lose everyone. She was such a strong women, I can't even imagine the pain she must have felt to lose a child. I had known my mother for twelve years yet she had known her thirty. This was someone who came from her flesh and still she held it together. I could write a whole book on the strength this woman had but today I'll focus on her words "When I shut these eyes" See I never believed that day would come for some reason, I thought God placed her in my life to be my Savior. She had the heart of a six foot tall man made of muscle and would dare someone to try her but in the same token she had a heart made of gold. I may not be making a lot of sense to some, you just had to know her to understand my plea. She would cuss you out like no other and turn around and ask you if you wanted something to eat lol. One of a kind True Story. Well the season of "When I shut these eyes" came one winter. My grandmother was dying of Lupas. I don't know if it took her fast or if I was just in denial. I moved in to help take care of her. I saw her in whole new light. She was bedridden and so very help-less. My love for her wouldn't let me believe she dying though. I slept in a twin bed aside from her hospital bed. Death was still not in my mind, I knew that this strong, powerful individual who never let me down, she would get up again. If for nobody else, for me because she knew she was the only person I had left that truly loved me. I was so selfish, she was in so much pain day after day and I wanted her to still fight so I could have that real love that only she could provide. Multiplies strokes to the brain sent my grandmother into a deep sleep one afternoon. The hospital sent her home a few days later with hospice. The concept of when I shut these eyes had finally become real. I still shook it off and believe that she would wake up. The hospice nurse called a family meeting letting us know that the hearing was the last to go but I still layed beside her hoping and praying that those eyes would stare at me again assuring me that everything would be okay. That never happend, I watched my grandmother take her last breath realizing she had shut those eyes and she was right, missing her is an understatement.
